3/7/14

I did very poorly today. Embarrassingly so. I've put in a lot of work this year. Way more than last year. Way more consistency, way more intensity, way more sacrifice. I basically entirely stopped drinking alcohol last September. I can count on one hand the times I've been drunk since then (I binge drank a lot last year from June 2012 to June 2013, the legal culture in Chicago is entirely based around binge drinking). My rest has been more consistent than its ever been. My diet has been very consistent, as much so as in 2011-12 when I got serious about my food intake.

I've set countless PRs this year and got 20th place in the North Central region on a workout last week, beating many 'Games' athletes. Most regions I would have been in the 10-15 range. My motor works, my strength is solid. I can't do C2B pull-ups or handstand push-ups to save my fucking life though. It's not an effort thing, they just shut off. I know how to push myself to a lot of places where people are not willing to go mentally. I'm a fucking Marine officer. The effort is there. It's just so frustrating to blow up a workout and fucking suck. Getting beat by average dudes that barely put in any work. They can't even snatch 155# and they beat me on this shit.

I feel like a joke. It is like a joke how shitty I did today. I obviously let myself down and I feel like I let those around me down, but I don't think anyone actually gives a fuck.

I'm too successful in other facets of my life to get upset about being bad at one modality of exercise that is irrelevant to anything other than crossfit. It's more just frustrating. Big lanky dudes are not made for gymnastics.

I don't really know what to say aside from that. I've put in a lot of work and I'm proud of myself. My gymnastics is just not there. It's a gaping hole in my fitness under crossfit's definition of fitness. Not sure exactly what I need to change about my training. Maybe I just need to drop 20 lbs and see how I feel. Maybe I just need to do actual gymnastics for a few months.

I don't fucking know. I've put in a lot of work and I school a lot of people at crossfit, often. I can throw around weights, deal with the pain and run and do aerobic/lactic stuff like it's my job. I don't even get lactic/aerobic in C2B/HSPU workouts. I just fucking fail. I don't know what I'm going to do, but something has got to change.

Anyway despite that my left hand is ripped as fuck...

Goal for Monday morning is 192 reps (16 OH + 16 PU + 16 OHS)

The reality of the situation is I will not be competing individually at Regionals this year. It was not my goal going into the season, my goal was/is to be on my gym's team. This is determined by the top 3 placing men in the Open. I am, as of now, just too unbalanced of an athlete to compete the Regional level individually again. 2012 might have been my only opportunity as the field gets more and more competitive. This is a hard pill to swallow after my performance/placing last week and all the hard work I've put in. But I don't sugar coat anything. It's just not there, despite my best effort. What a shitty feeling that is. Tomorrow is another day.